He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
