Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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