If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize