@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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