If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
