Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
