Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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