what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
