I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
