So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
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