i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
