apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
