My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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