Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
