i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize