a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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