one might say we're banned from that church
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
