Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
