Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
look no pants
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
