Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize