that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
You may now shotgun with the bride
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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