life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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