Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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