How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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