M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
