Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
