If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
