areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Randomize
