Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
