It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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