Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
