I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
