her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
