you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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