you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
