woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
