I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
