Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
