Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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