Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
