i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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