I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Randomize
