Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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