he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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