u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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