I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
As shirtless as possible
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize
