i wish starbucks made bloody marys
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
