i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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