Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
