she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
