I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
