I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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