It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
