every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
