I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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