why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
