I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
