maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
