i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
