It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize