Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
