The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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