At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
