I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
