I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize