Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
