I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
He has the fingertips of a God
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
