oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Randomize
