The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
