I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
