i think my mom watched the whole time
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
