hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
