Even the bartender felt bad for me
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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