don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
