two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
