Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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