He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
