I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
