My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
