just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
