Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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