Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
