I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
