I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
