i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
So vagazzling was a success
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
