The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
