I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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