Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
