So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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