she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
