this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
