tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Randomize