I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I can't turn off my feet"
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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