Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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