We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
