we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Randomize
