I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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