Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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