I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
All I want is dick and wine.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
