you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Boobs speak an international language.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
