Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Ladies don't puke and tell
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
