Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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